[Week 4] Essay - I Literally Can't Even

(comic by Hilary Price)

                This comic reminds me of a misconception a lot of people seem to hold about linguistics students. My friends and I are always asked things like, “how many languages do you speak?” It’s even become a bit of an inside joke among linguists and students because it’s asked so often. Linguists generally don’t learn how to speak hundreds of languages, they study how languages work. Because of that, many find questions about how many languages they speak irritating. But I would rather talk about that all day before I even begin to approach the question: “Don’t you just HATE it when people say things incorrectly?!”

                One of the first things we were taught in our general linguistics class was that small grammatical or orthographical errors are generally irrelevant when it comes to communication. In other words, we care more about getting the message across than we do getting the grammar or spelling right. On a larger scale, there are varieties of English that are seen as “bad” when really they’re just a different dialect. For example, African American Vernacular English is seen by many as ungrammatical. In reality, AAVE has its own grammar rules and patterns that are just a little bit different from Standard English. So while an AAVE sentence may be ungrammatical according to Standard English rules, it can be very much grammatical for other speakers of the dialect.

                On a more personal note, I think I’m especially sensitive to people calling me a “grammar Nazi” because lately my English has been in a state of decline. I assume it’s just because I’ve been focusing so much on foreign languages that I’m just not used to English anymore. It’s not all that severe, but where writing something like this short essay would have been a breeze to me in the past, it’s a lot more challenging now. Despite this new problem of mine, I’m still functioning just fine as a linguistics student. My peers would be more offended if I called English a Romance language than they would if I spelled something incorrectly. I certainly don’t think people shouldn’t care about grammar (I have my pet peeves too!), but I can’t help but feel for that guy who gets attacked on Facebook for spelling “definitely” incorrectly.

                To tie this all back to the comic, it doesn’t even occur to me to say “fewer” in many situations. I don’t think that makes me uneducated. I do know when to use “fewer” and when to use “less,” but it seems that “less” has started to take on the role of “fewer” these days. Just as “awesome” is less about “awe” and more about really great things.  Maybe it’s my background as a linguistics student, or maybe I’m just a little more flexible than some people when it comes to these things, but language change is evolution that we can observe in real time! Even if I don’t want to hear about how “ratchet” someone’s clothes are or how that girl “literally can’t even,” I think it’s really fascinating and (in casual contexts) should be embraced.

[Week 4] Storytelling - The Long-Lost Sister

Author's Note: This story is based on The Wolf Aunt from the Persian Tales unit. Basically, it's about a poor man who meets a woman claiming to be his sister. His wife and her daughter find out the woman is actually a man-eating wolf, but he doesn't believe them. They leave without him and he's eventually eaten. I've modernized it and written it out as diary entries from the wife that are left for the husband to find. If he's alive, that is.

(diary image from anyvanille on flickr)

June 19^th, 2014

                My husband thinks he may have found his long-lost sister. She’s been missing for twenty years… Why would she just appear out of nowhere? We’ve been searching for so long, and yet she’s been in this town the whole time? We just moved here last year. This doesn’t make sense. I can’t trust a woman who just approaches James on the street like that. She probably knows he’s vulnerable and is just taking advantage of him. He’s asleep now so I’ll talk to him about how worried I am tomorrow.

June 20^th, 2014

                I woke up to an empty bed. James had left early this morning. He left a note on the fridge door saying he was off to meet with that so-called sister of his. I made the kids ramen noodles for breakfast (again…) and then did my usual job hunting until noon. Little Marie asked me why daddy has been acting so funny lately. I explained to her that daddy may have gotten some good news. I didn’t mention what kind, though. She seemed satisfied enough. She is only 6, after all.

                It’s nearly 1am and James still isn’t back. I don’t think I can stay awake much longer so I’ll just have to talk to him tomorrow.

June 21^st, 2014

                James woke me up excitedly this morning. I didn’t even have time to ask him where he was all night because he dragged me out of bed to help him prepare for tomorrow evening. He said his sister would be over and he wanted to treat her to something nice. We don’t have much money, but I took a couple of the girls shopping with me and we got ingredients for steak. I also picked up a little gift for my dear sister-in-law. I hope she likes magnets with sarcastic sayings on them. They were on clearance.

                So, we spent the whole night cleaning and I once again didn’t get to talk to James. I swear it’s like the universe is trying to keep me away from him right now. But seriously, he’s acting crazy. I need to talk to him soon.

June 22^nd, 2014

                Well, today sucked. I’m not sure “sucked” is really the right word, though. Today was miserable, surreal, terrifying… lots of things. The “sister” got here at 2pm. Much earlier than I expected. The girls and I were still in the kitchen cooking so it was kind of awkward having her wait in the living room. And James couldn’t entertain her because he had decided to go out and buy flowers at the last minute. So as some kind of sign of peace I gave Marie the magnets and told her to go give them to the lady in the living room and to comeback immediately after.

                I’m not sure how to explain this next part. Even in my head everything is so jumbled up. Basically… Marie headed toward the door to the living room with the magnets. I got kind of paranoid and stopped cooking long enough just to follow her and make sure that creepy chick didn’t try anything. Marie opened the door just a little bit (she’s pretty shy) and we could see the “sister.” She was sitting there on the couch polishing a gun. I guess she had been keeping it in her bag. I yanked Marie back inside and sent all the girls into the backyard. Just for a little while. To play, I told them. Marie wouldn’t leave my side, though. She was scared. We sat in the kitchen and talked until James got back.

Now, I know very little about guns but I do know a real gun when I see one. But James says it was probably just a toy. He’s lost his mind. He didn’t even care! I had the girls eat their dinner upstairs. James and I sat with the woman at the table. It was weird. I don’t like her. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

June 23^rd, 2014

                Couldn’t sleep last night. “Sister” is coming over again today. I can’t do this anymore. I’m taking the kids and leaving. I told James and he seems to think he’ll eventually prove to me that she’s fine. But I have such a bad feeling about this. I’ll leave my diary here. James, I know you like puzzles. 57 65 27 72 65 20 77 69 74 68 20 6d 79 20 6d 6f 6d 2e 20 4c 6f 76 65 20 79 6f 75 2e 


Persian Tales, translated by D.L.R. Lorimer and E.O. Lorimer and illustrated by Hilda Roberts (1919).

[Week 4] Reading Diary - Persian Tales

These are my notes for the Persian Tales unit.

(Wedding ceremony painting from Wikimedia Commons)

1. Wolf and the Goat

A goat warns her children not to open the door for the wolf, but the wolf tricks them and kidnaps three of them. The fourth one stays hidden and tells the mother goat what happened. She goes to the wolf's house and challenges him to a fight. In the end, the wolf is killed and she gets her children back.

2. The City of Nothing-In-The-World

A girl goes to the bazar with eggs her aunt gave her to try to trade them for cooling ointment for an injury. On the way, she loses the eggs. She goes back and tells her aunt a crazy story that defies logic and physics, but is so much fun!

3. Susku and Mushu

A cute, then sad, then kind of freaky story. Starts out with two mice who decide to get married. One day, the husband mouse is cooking ash and the wife mouse gets blown into the pot and drowns. This leads to the husband mouse, a crow, and other animals/nature hurting themselves.

4. The Boy who Became a Bulbul

A boy's stepmother tells him and his father that they should have a competition to see who can collect the most wood. The winner chops offthe head of the loser. The father cheats and ends up winning. He chops off his son's head and gives it to his wife to put in a soup. The sister comes home and sees her brother's head in her soup and is distressed. The mulla gives her instructions that end up making her dead brother become a bulbul. As a bird, the brother gets revenge on the step-mother.

5. The Wolf-Aunt

A poor man is trying to get money to take care of his wife and seven daughters when an elderly woman claiming to be his sister tells him she'll take care of them. One of the daughters discovers that the woman is actually a wolf. The wife tells her husband but he thinks she just doesn't like his "sister." The wife takes her daughters and leaves, and the man is eaten.

6. Nim-Tanak, or Half-Boy

A boy is born to a king who only has half of a body. Becuase of his deformity, he is shunned. But he ends up saving his sister from a Div, which was a task that his other brothers (that were doted upon) could not do. The king then makes him his heir.

7. Muhammad Tirandaz, the Archer

Muhammad kills two mice while he is working and his co-workers tell him she should become an archer instead of wasting his talent. He gets a bow and arrows and makes a motto for himself about killing two lions with one blow. While he's out hunting, a king's guard finds him and recruits him. By mistake, Muhammad ends up leading his team to victory in a battle and he is rewarded.

8. The Praying Baker

A king sees a baker praying in the bazar and wants to test him. He gives him his ring as a promise that he'll come back and pay for bread later, but has one of his men take it the next day. The king comes back and asks for his ring. The baker explains that it's gone missing but that he'll try to find it, and if he doesn't have it by the time 10 days have passed then the king can chop his head off. The king agrees and throws the ring into water. On the 10th day, the baker finds the ring in a fish he and his wife were about to eat.

9. The Sad Tale of the Mouse's Tail

A mouse has her tail torn off and asks for it to be sewn back on, but the cobbler wants something in return. In order to get what she wants, the next person wants something else. This continues in a chain with the mouse adding on to the explanation at every place she goes.

10. Fayiz and the Peri Wife

Fayiz gets married to a woman even though he is already married. He realizes his new wife is a peri (fairy). He has sons with her and a good life, but he misses his home. The peri wife says she will leave him and take their sons if he tells anyone what she is. Unfortunately, Fayiz can't help but tell his human wife and the peri wife leaves him.

11. The Hemp-Smoker's Dream

A man smoked hemp and then fell asleep. He had a dream that a barber and two other men went on a journey to get the princess of china for him to marry. In the end, the men won her over but then fought over who would have her. The ending confuses me a bit, but I think the dreaming man accidentally hit the barber in real life and was awoken.

12. The Story of the Wolf-Bride

A man has a son and takes him to an akhund for his horoscope. The akhund says he will be torn apart by a wolf, so the father keeps his son underground away from everyone. Eventually, the son needs to take a wife and is married to his cousin. Once they're alone together, she turns into a wolf and kills him, and then turns back into her normal self.

13. The Man Who Went to Wake His Luck
A man meets his brother's (personification of) Luck and asks where his is. He tells him where to find him and the man goes on a journey to wake up his Luck who is sleeping in a cave. On the way, several people have questions for him that they want him to have answered by the Luck. One of them is a wolf. He agrees and when he comes back with answers people try to reward him but he refuses. The Luck's advice for the wolf is to eat the first foolish man he sees, so the man is eaten.

14. Tortoise Bowl-On-The-Back and the Fox

A fox and a tortoise get into a fight and decide to have a race. The tortoise gets his brother to help him cheat and pretends he won the race 28 seconds before the fox. The fox leaves the tortoise alone and is ashamed.

15. The Shepherd Who Found a Treasure

Two shepherds are working when one falls asleep. A green fly comes out of his nose and the one who is awake recognizes this as the sleeping man's soul. He wakes the man up and asks him what he dreamt. He is told of a dream in which the man finds treasure. The man who was told the dream gives the other his wages for the day and finds the treasure
that had been dreamt of.

16. The Merchant and the Saffron

A wealthy merchant buys saffron off of a man and pays in loads of jewels. Later, his luck goes back and he ends up with nothing. He wanders and finds the home of the merchant he bought the saffron off of. The other merchant supports him until his Luck wakes back up and then sends him off with money. The man uses the money to buy goods and sells them for 10x more and is wealthy again.

17. Shah Abbas and the Poor Mother

A king dresses as a derwish and finds a poor mother and her hungry children. He helps them by giving the mother a ring that she can take to the baker in exchange for bread. The baker accuses the mother of stealing the ring and takes her to the police. She has her ears cut off and goes home hungry again. The king manages to prove that she didn't steal the ring and gets onto the police chief.

18. The Apparition of the Prophet Khizr

A man who is poor and in debt goes to the king and makes him an offer that he can't fulfill. He tells the king that he will show him the prophet Khizr if he is given money. When he doesn't go through with it, the king asks his wazirs what he should do with the man. Three of them detail gory deaths, but a fourth says to give him a village and money because he has shown him Khizr. Then the man disappears.

19. The Story of the Baker and the Grateful Fish

A baker feeds the fish remnants of bread he can't sell. One day, amerchant comes to him and says he'll give him 100 tumens to work for him. He ends up tricking him and leaving him on a mountain to either get eaten by vultures or jump into the water and drown. He decides drowning would be better and jumps into the water, but the fish remember him and build a raft for him. He ends up using the same trick on the merchant to get revenge.